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I am a warrior.

I think I was about 14 years old when my eating disorder started, but I think I’ve always had disordered traits as a young child.

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It really is okay to eat

When you’ve had an eating disorder for so long, you become numb to the feeling of not eating. The fear that food will harm you is entrenched into your mind, so you just don’t allow yourself to enjoy food.

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Sui Generis (A person or thing that is unique, in a class by itself)

When I was at the lowest point of my life, about ten years ago, I said to myself ‘It can’t get any worse.’ It was that bad. However, I realised that this was a positive statement. If it can’t get any worse, that means it can only get better.

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I decided to take the risk and it’s been the best decision yet.

Completing my A levels was hard. I soon became obsessed with revision and control, not feeling like I had ever done enough or was enough.

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Learning to open up…

Going to my GP in March of last year was something that I knew I had to do. Don’t get me wrong, I was so scared and nervous about how I would tell someone I didn’t know that I was struggling with eating and coping with social occasions which involved food.

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Am I ready to let go?

It’s been fourteen years. Ten of which have been filled with numerous psychological treatments at four different eating disorder services. Now it’s time. Time to finally say goodbye to you.

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No More

'No more, thank you'
As she piles my plate high
'Mum, I’m not hungry'
That’s my favourite lie

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This is Goodbye and an Overdue Apology

I guess the turning point for my recovery came after a long battle with my identity. Who am I if I’m not what anorexia tells me I am?

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The Two-Year Climb

As I eat and function normally and crave that as a healthy human, this demonic part of my brain still pulls me back like an annoying toddler craving attention.

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My fight for recovery

My battle with anorexia and bulimia made me lose my identity. Recovering from an eating disorder seemed very daunting and overwhelming but I knew it was something I had to do.

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No one is you, and that is your power.

Shifty and devious anorexia is a master at disguise. Slotting itself nicely into societal norms, the morning gym session or missed breakfasts go unnoticed or are glorified by others in pursuit of aesthetic perfection.

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"I have learnt to rest in times of struggle and not to quit."

Eating disorder vs. recovery isn’t as simplistic as poorly or not. It’s a grey fuzzy line and an uphill battle. I understand that you don’t have any energy or drive at the moment but step by step you can rebuild your life.

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