To this day, my relationship with food is a complex one, but I am very much of the belief that next year will be better, and the year after that will be even better.
I want to shed some light on diet culture and what it drove me to do to myself for eight years. I will never get those eight years back, but what I do know is that I will never put myself through all the self-inflicted pain it took in order to look a certain way.
In the present chaos of COVID-19, I write these words from my own personal story as a reminder to your precious self that there is light in the midst of the uncertainty, confusion and calamity.
These two posts, written two years apart, show how Mel managed to overcome a lot of the anxiety she felt around shopping for food.
After a good three years of recovery from anorexia, my first thought whenever someone rejects me is: 'I wonder if they'd like me if I were thinner.'
I’ve worked tirelessly in day care, private therapy and on my own to get as “recovered” as I can possibly be. I wasn’t content with surviving with an eating disorder. To me the mental torture and confines are the worst part, so a healthy body without a quality of life was not enough.
I believe no matter how hard it may be there will always be a way out. You don’t need anorexia to define who you are. It's okay to let it go.
My eating disorder, anorexia nervosa, started off in 2012 when I was at university. I was having flashbacks and nightmares; I felt very vulnerable.
This young lady has an eating disorder and it's about time I stop being ashamed and hiding away.
I realised that in the past I did want to get better and be recovered but I wasn’t ready to face the fear, to accept the changes and battle against my eating disorder.
Sometimes, I look back at my young, innocent, happy, fit, strong, healthy, beautiful self and I wonder why I ever wanted to be anything else. Now I wish above anything to have this back.
There were two of me – there was Ana (the anorexia) and then there was the real me. I felt like I was being controlled by Ana, and the more food I ate the more my own personality came back.