Since I was 13 years old, eating has never felt simple. While most people might think of food as a source of comfort or enjoyment, for me it has always been a confusing, overwhelming, and often distressing part of life.
Back then, I didn’t have the words to explain what was happening. I just knew something didn’t feel right. I struggled to identify when I was hungry, and even when I did feel something, I wasn’t sure if it was hunger. The smell, appearance, and even texture of food would often make me feel sick or panicked. I didn’t know why - and there wasn’t much support around me to help figure it out.
As I moved into my late teens, things became even more complicated. I found myself trapped in a constant internal battle between my body and my mind. My body would send clear signals: I was hungry. But my mind would respond with fear, doubt, and resistance. It felt like two completely separate parts of me were constantly at war, and no matter which side I listened to, I never felt okay.
I lost control over the most basic instinct—eating to survive. It reached a point where my body went into what I now understand as semi-starvation mode. I even ended up in hospital at one stage due to the severe lack of nutrition. Still, I had no name for what I was experiencing, and no clear path toward help.
Alongside this, I developed emetophobia - the intense fear of vomiting. It became a huge barrier, adding another layer of anxiety around food. I would avoid meals not only because they were unappealing, but because I was terrified of the consequences if I ate something “wrong”. This fear fed into the cycle and made eating feel even more impossible.
It wasn’t until I was 25 that I was finally referred to an eating disorder clinic. After years of confusion, guilt, and shame, I was diagnosed with Avoidant/Restrictive Food Intake Disorder (ARFID). That moment was life-changing. For the first time, I had an explanation - a name - for what I had been experiencing for over a decade. It wasn’t just in my head. I wasn’t alone. I had ARFID.
Receiving the diagnosis brought a wave of relief and validation. I could finally begin to unpick the years of struggle and start working toward healing. I began regular Cognitive Behavioural Therapy (CBT) tailored for ARFID, and while it’s still a work in progress, it has helped me develop strategies to manage the overwhelming thoughts and fears around food. CBT has been a place where I can challenge unhelpful thinking patterns and slowly build a more stable relationship with eating.
Around the same time, I also received a diagnosis of autism. This, too, helped things click into place. So many of my sensory challenges with food - smells, textures, routines - suddenly made more sense. Knowing I’m autistic has not only given me further insight into why I find food difficult, but it has also helped me feel less alone. I now understand that the way I experience the world, including food, is just different - not wrong.
ARFID is still something I live with every day, but I’m no longer in the dark. I now have the tools, language, and support to manage it, and most importantly, I have hope. My journey hasn’t been easy, and it’s far from over, but I want others to know that help is out there - and diagnosis can be the start of something better.
If you're reading this and you’re struggling with food, even if you don’t know why, please know that you’re not alone. There’s no one way to have an eating disorder, and every experience is valid. For me, getting diagnosed changed everything - not because it fixed the problem overnight, but because it gave me a place to begin healing.
You deserve support. You deserve answers. And you deserve a future where food isn’t a battlefield, but just one part of a full and meaningful life.
If you feel affected by this blog, please do contact our Helpline. If you think that you or someone you know may have ARFID, our Helpline is here to signpost you towards help. We also have our weekly online support group, Hummingbird, for those who are experiencing ARFID - no diagnosis is needed to join. You are not alone.
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We asked people affected by ARFID what they would like others to know about the often misunderstood condition.
Advanced eating disorder dietitians Sarah Fuller and Clare Ellison discuss the difference between ARFID and 'picky eating'.
Our supporter Frankie shares their experience of discovering they have ARFID, and how far they've come in their recovery