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Recovery must be your choice, the one you must make despite the eating disorder feeling like your only friend, this is not real, it’s an illusion, it’s all fake.
At school her best friend called her fat. She took up a measuring tape and that was that.
I wake up each morning, I take a deep breath, I sit there and listen, To thoughts in my head.
Rewind to a few years ago. On the surface, I was a happy 26-year-old who seemed to have her life all worked out... Yet underneath, I was coming up to my tenth year battling bulimia.
This young lady has an eating disorder and it's about time I stop being ashamed and hiding away.
When I was about 13, I stopped eating for a bit, just to see how it felt, what it would do. Prior to this, I don't think I had been even vaguely concerned about my weight and, to be honest, I don't know what it was that triggered it.
Before being diagnosed as having bulimia, I was a happy teenager full of life and always loved going out. Before the diagnosis, I had no clue about eating disorders.
I realised that in the past I did want to get better and be recovered but I wasn’t ready to face the fear, to accept the changes and battle against my eating disorder.
Sometimes, I look back at my young, innocent, happy, fit, strong, healthy, beautiful self and I wonder why I ever wanted to be anything else. Now I wish above anything to have this back.
There were two of me – there was Ana (the anorexia) and then there was the real me. I felt like I was being controlled by Ana, and the more food I ate the more my own personality came back.
After looking back on the years of my life that were taken due to my eating disorder, I realise how much I now love my life and want to keep recovering every day.
Bulimia isn’t a disease or bug you just get over by taking antibiotics. It is a mental illness that takes over.