"That Voice"

Posted 29/08/2017

I woke up a few years back with a voice in my head,
At first, I thought it was my friend but over time it filled me with dread.

It started off being subtle and quiet,
'I can help you be happy, with just a little diet'
'Lose a bit of weight, and you'll be accepted'...
'Happiness will come your way; you'll be perfected'...

'Follow my every command and just listen,
I promise you will see yourself blossom and glisten'.
It all seemed so 'simple' I thought it was true...
Little did I know it would make me feel blue.

I tested it out…numbers on the scales went down,
'I've done it', I thought... but the voice’s reaction? A frown.
'So far so good' but we're not done yet...
Just a little bit more, and then happiness you WILL get.

So I listened to the 'voice' more and more,
But before I knew it, it felt such a chore.
The package of 'happiness' I was yet to receive...
But the voice told me to work harder, to be able to achieve.

So I continued to comply,
Downside was: happiness never came, but why?
Instead I felt trapped, it felt so tough
Once again, the same answer from 'the voice’: I'm not working hard enough'.

It pestered me, it got louder
The more I obeyed, the more it got 'prouder',
But with the pride came a huge cost,
My life was falling apart; I felt so lost.
I wanted to end my friendship with 'the voice',
But I really didn't feel like I had that choice.

My health was declining, that's what my family said.
If I didn't accept help, I might soon be dead.
'Nonsense,' the voice opposed, 'you can't listen to them',
What my family told me, the voice did not condemn.

'It's all lies' it said, you have to trust me,
'Keep the number going down, you will then see'.
So I continued to obey, with the hope it would leave me alone,
But life was drained out of me, my identity? Just skin and bone.

Enough was enough, I couldn't take any more,
Something has to change; this means war.
The voice unwelcomed my defiance, giving me hell,
BUT I had my allies, my family who helped get me well.
Treatment began, lots of hospital beds...
Therapy, rest and plenty of meds. 

It was really hard at first, when the battle first begun,
After failed attempts, I gave up and the voice had won.
It was happy it once again had me under control,
'Let's get these numbers down again'; that was its goal.

I gave it chance after chance to prove it was right,
But again it stole my life, this time I really HAD fight.
'What have I got to lose?' I was just scared of the 'unknown',
The voice is what is SCARY; by learning to ignore it,  I had finally grown.

When I say 'grown', I mean the REAL me was coming back,
Life started piecing together again, by keeping on track.
With health came happiness...do you know what the irony is?
This is what the 'voice' initially promised, and without being
controlled by it, it really is bliss.

I'm not saying it's easy,
but I beg you to believe me,
that the 'voice' in your head,
It LIES. Its mission? It wants you dead.
Believe me, it's true,
It wants to control you,
but this control isn't REAL,
and going against it, in time you will heal.

When things gets tough,
please remember; you ARE good enough.
You are courageous, strong and brave
and with determination you no longer have to be a slave,
to that negative voice that niggles at you,
just keep and fighting and you WILL pull through. 

To all those who may be currently fighting anorexia Xxx

Contributed by Chelsea