The power of a dog – Caitlin’s story

I didn’t know what kind of impact Harvey would have on my life. I thought he’s so cute, we’ll have fun together, and he’ll be my best friend. Little did I know he was also going to be my lifeline.

I was diagnosed with anorexia nervosa in September 2020, where I was emergency referred to my eating disorder service, given my physical health and the state of my mental health. Since then, it has not been plain sailing - my treatment has not been consistent and been non-existent at times over the years.

My eating disorder was not caused by a "desire to be thin" but a desire to have control over something and to give me a focus, when life was so overwhelming. At the time, I was being bullied in school and was in an unhealthy relationship, as well as my home life being at times difficult and unpredictable. The lack of emotional support throughout my life has caused my inability to not know how to express my emotions and understand how I was feeling, My self-confidence was knocked, words painted on my soul, I felt anxious, and I was flooded with memories I didn't want to remember.

I wanted to control something and at the time, I just turned to what the typical "healthy" food and eating looks like to diet culture, and I started to exercise more from around the age of 13 years old. It spiraled out of control over the next few years and led me to very dark, scary places including nearly losing my life and repeated cycle of hospital admissions. This included an admission to a specialized eating disorder unit in 2023 which was terrifying as I was also 219 miles from home. In December 2024, my eating disorder treatment was withdrawn as I wasn't reaching the expectations they had, and this left me feeling so hopeless.

Thankfully around the same time I got a rescue French bulldog named Harvey. I got him as I wanted to have control over something positive and giving a rescue dog a loving home felt like the best thing to do. He deserved a second chance at life, but it felt like he was also giving me another chance to fight anorexia and find a new more fulfilled life. I can't put into words how much he has also helped me - not every day is sunshine and rainbows, but he has given me a firm reason to fight and stay alive for.

A week before Christmas last year, I lost my heart horse Seamus, suddenly. Seamus was my therapy, and that day my heart shattered, and my world just felt like it had crumbled. I wanted to give up. Coming home from the yard, I couldn’t stop the tears. But as soon as I walked into the door of my parents, Harvey greeted me and despite slipping back a bit in my recovery, he definitely helped me continue forward.

Harvey has continuously given me a reason to eat my next meal or snack even when it was hard. When Harvey has his meals, that reminds me I need mine as well. Harvey often has a treat when I have a snack; he is like meal support for me. He has given me motivation to fight to stay physically stable, as he wouldn't cope without me, as he is so attached to me. I'm truly unbelievably grateful for him, during the dark moments and breakdowns he doesn't leave me or get frustrated with me, he just sits with me. I sometimes feel like it's his way of reminding me that he is there for me and I'm not alone - he feels like an emotional support I have never had asides from my horses.

Harvey also provides me with a fun distraction. Even though he is a rescue, he doesn't seem to look at the past and his uncertain start to life, he literally just lives in the moment and every time we are together, it is the best time ever for him. It has shown me that the past can hurt us, but it is okay to live in the moment rather than the weight of the past dictating your every decision, and for me I can choose who to be around and where to set boundaries. Harvey has also reminded me that it is okay to slow down. I don't always have to be moving and be productive as it is perfectly fine to rest as he will have his walk, play and eat but then have a nap.

Harvey has overall helped my mood, my mental health and motivation to commit to recovery. Even just stroking him instantly makes me feel relaxed and helps the intensity of the negative thoughts lessen. I am so far from where I want to be, but I know that I have made progress, and I feel like I am making changes that I never thought I could. This year, I have done fundraising for a local mental health crisis charity (Mikeysline), taken part in EDIFY and Beat’s ‘Empowering Recovery’ eating disorder research, I have gone back to work, and I have taken Harvey to a few local shows where he has done me proud as always.

Previously whenever someone said to me or I read the words of “Recovery is possible”, I would believe that it was for everyone else, and I was the exception. I never believed that I could be on the recovery journey that I am on now. Over the past 7 months, I have learned that recovery doesn’t just come to you, it is something you have to choose and fight for. It is okay if you need a boulder to lean on, to help you through like I have done with Harvey. So, I am determined to keep fighting for him.