Our support and training programmes often refer to ‘animal analogies’. Below, we’ve listed the animal analogies from the New Maudsley Method, which illustrate how natural reactions may not always be helpful when caring for someone with an eating disorder. It's understandable when you're caring for someone with an eating disorder you might respond in certain ways due to respond in certain ways due to stress or concern, but these responses can sometimes lead to confrontations that may cause your loved one to feel more withdrawn or isolated, which can, unfortunately, make them seek comfort in their eating disorder.
These responses, represented by the animal analogies, often reflect the natural temperament or coping style when under stress. Because eating disorders can be so challenging, you may fluctuate between different responses, such as emotional, avoidant, rational, or over-protective behaviours. To better support the person with the eating disorder, it's helpful for you to challenge yourself to experiment with different responses - ones that may not feel natural at first. This takes time and practice, and it's essential that you are patient and kind to yourself throughout this process.
You may find it difficult to regulate your own emotional responses to the eating disorder, which may give the message that you require looking after. Overemotional, uncontrolled reactions to the eating disorder could lead to further imbedding the disordered behaviours. Although coming from a place of concern, these sorts of responses can intensify an already challenging situation and lead to further distress at home
Like an ostrich, this type of emotional response is where the carer has their head in the sand rather than tackling the situation. Complex emotions and behaviours are often too overwhelming and chaotic for the ostrich, and avoidance feels the most familiar and comfortable for them. They may also hope that by ignoring the issue, things will resolve themselves or may be fearful of making things worse if they address it. This can result in the person with the eating disorder feeling dismissed and uncared for. Instead, seeing the carer being able to express their feelings and emotions in a calm manner will help their loved one change their own emotional response and coping mechanisms.
Carers will take over all responsibilities in order to protect. Like a kangaroo, they will allow the eating disorder to jump into their pouch to avoid any stress or upset. The downside to this type of caring style is that it prevents their loved one building their own resilience and learning how to manage challenges in life. This may result in the eating disorder individual only feeling safe living in a child-like cocoon, and unable to recognise their own ability to succeed into adulthood. To be less kangaroo, it is important to empower the person with the eating disorder. For example, you could ask them what they think about their meal plan and encourage them to get their snack from the fridge, instead of you.
Like a rhino, this type of carer will persuade by confrontation or arguments, likely due to their stress, frustration and exhaustion. The negative to this type of carer style is that their loved one will not develop the confidence to continue tackling the eating disorder independently. Often the most likely response to a rhino is resistance and arguments, which can further strengthen the eating disorder voice. Give conversations time and space, encouraging your loved one to share their feelings. If it’s not productive, don’t force it - come back to it another day.
Like a terrier, the carer will try to wear out the eating disorder by nagging them, which can result in the eating disorder ignoring what they view as irritating white noise. It can also provide the eating disorder a chance for secret, negative behaviours. The eating disorder is constantly criticising the person with an eating disorder; saying they need to try harder or are not good enough.
Inspirational animals show warmth, compassion and wisdom, which is important when supporting a loved one with an eating disorder.
The ideal way of supporting someone with an eating disorder is to gently guide them along like a dolphin nudging the person to safety. The dolphin at times will swim ahead leading the way, and at other times swim alongside with encouragement, or swim behind quietly, displaying confidence and trust. An example of this caring style is asking – rather than telling - the person with the eating disorder what you can do to help them during and after mealtimes.
Another ideal caring response is the St Bernard which demonstrates warmth, calmness and compassion. The St Bernard shows hope and empowers the person that they can change and that there is a future beyond the eating disorder. This caring style responds consistently and is dependable and reliable in all situations. For instance, during mealtimes it can be helpful to use encouraging words and phrases such as ‘you can do this’, ‘I believe in you’ and ‘you are worthy of recovery’.
Like a herd of elephants linking trunks and tails, this caring style is about working together with a team of wise people, who together can make decisions and provide care. This demonstrates the importance of a support network such as friends and family, as well as health professionals and using resources such as workshops and books.