Lucy's story - Anorexia nervosa, OCD and exercise addiction

I think neurodivergence and eating disorders go hand in hand.

Here is my story; I was diagnosed with dyslexia when I was young. I was pulled out of lessons, I had to stay late, I had to come in early basically as soon as I started primary school. I was so fortunate to have so much help from my parents and my schools but because of all this, it was very clear to me from a very early age that I wasn’t able / my brain didn't work like my friends and class mates.

From young I knew I was lacking and something was wrong with me.

Coming into my teenage years I adapted very quickly and whilst still doing a lot of extra work, I was able to keep up socially and excelled in drama and arts. I still felt less than but I felt power and control in other areas of my life.

Cut to auditioning for a drama school when I was 18. It was my dream to go to this specific one and my only future I had thought for myself. So when I was rejected that's when my brain imploded and my eating disorder began.

I was rejected doing the thing I was suppose to be good at.

This is how my obsession with control started. I was able to lose weight and really well. I quickly became severely underweight and in my mind that was only a positive thing.

The start of a person's journey with an eating disorder is a constant dopamine hit.

Ones body can lose weight the first time so easily and its like you’ve got a secret no one knows about or knows how to do as well as you.

Another thing that happens at the start of someone journey with an eating disorder is they will - more often than not - take up running. So, as well as being able to lose weight, I was also able to make myself run for hours on end.

Skip forward 10 years and I was still there. I was in my late 20s; I hadn’t had a period in over 10 years, I had never had a relationship (my relationship was with my eating disorder), I had done so much therapy to try and help myself - and whilst it didn't help me get over it, it helped me understand myself immensely.

My dyslexia wasn't something that bothered me day to day but the feeling of ‘less than’ was so deep it wasn't even noticeable anymore.

Sadly I had had a conversation with myself that I was going to have an eating disorder forever, that I would probably be alone forever and probably die young. And I was ok with that because it was mine and it was the thing I was good at.

Skip another 4 years and I am fully recovered.

When I say it happened overnight - it genuinely did. I woke up one day and my brain had reset. I wasn't the same. I didn't run, I didn't restrict. I was so scared but I went with it because my brain had decided it was time for a different life.

The dopamine hit is exactly the same as when you’re losing the weight to when you’ve decided to put it on. It’s exhilarating - until you actually do put on weight. But my brain didn't care, I was numb to it. I imagine a door in my brain that is labelled anorexia, for 15 years that door was wedged wide open but now the door is closed. The door is still there but it’s closed.

I now run a successful business, have an amazing fiancé and next year we want to start a family. There are things that’ll never be the same and that's ok. I will always have to eat my breakfast with one specific spoon and I am not allowed to get Strava again but these are small repercussions from that door being open for 15 years.

So I do think eating disorders and neurodivergence are linked, but I think having a brain that doesn't work normally is what saved me.