Looking after yourself while supporting someone with an eating disorder

Supporting someone through an eating disorder can feel overwhelming and exhausting, affecting both your mental and physical health.

Ensuring you spend time practising self-care, doing things that you enjoy and gaining support from others can help you through difficult times.

Eating disorders are complex mental illnesses that affect daily life, relationships, and wellbeing. While your support is incredibly valuable, taking care of yourself is one of the most important things you can do both for your own health and to sustain support for your loved one.

Neglecting your own needs can leave you exhausted and less able to provide stable support over time. Taking time to rest, reflect, and look after yourself isn’t selfish — it strengthens your ability to be there for someone else.

It’s also normal to experience difficult or conflicting emotions whilst supporting someone with an eating disorder. You may feel frustration, fear, guilt, or helplessness – feeling these things doesn’t mean you don’t care about your loved one. Acknowledging how you feel is an important part of self-care.

Self-care isn’t a luxury, it’s the foundation for your support

Without self-care, it can become harder to support your loved one. Constantly putting others first can create pressure that may lead to burnout. Being aware of the signs and making time for self-care can help protect your wellbeing.

Signs of burnout may include:

• Feeling exhausted
• Trouble sleeping
• Increased irritability
• Physical health concerns
• Difficulty making decisions

Self-care looks different for everyone, but there are several ways you can nurture your own wellbeing:

• Build a support network: Talking to friends, joining peer support groups, or accessing counselling can help you process difficult emotions and gain perspective.
• Set boundaries and take breaks: Planning in non-negotiable time for breaks enabling you to step away to rest, pursue hobbies, or simply breathe can recharge your energy and help prevent burnout.
• Recognise your limits: Accepting that you can’t “fix” everything immediately and that recovery is rarely a straight line reduces pressure on yourself.  You aren’t responsible; your role is to support them and take care of yourself too.
• Ask for help: Writing a list of specific tasks others can take on — from practical chores to emotional support — can make sharing the load easier and less stressful. And step back if you need to – this doesn’t mean that you are giving up on your loved one but could give you the time you need to rest and recharge.
• Trust yourself: Perfection isn’t the goal. You know your loved one well, and you’re likely to notice if something genuinely changes.

Self-reflection can help

Being kind to yourself will help you care for your loved one. The Importance of self-care – the New Maudsley Approach could help you identify improvements in your life and reflect on how you can achieve this.

Ways that you can bring self-care into your routine are:

• Prioritising sleep
• Creating a simple routine to provide stability – set a time to relax each day or a regular catch-up with a friend.
• Make time for things that matter to you outside of providing support such as hobbies, interests and other things that make you who you are
• Write a list of things that help you in moments of distress - even small actions of self-care helps balance your nervous system e.g., a warm cup of tea, a short mindfulness exercise, a walk outside
• Our Eating Disorders Hub for Families and Friends (formerly known as POD) can provide you with information and resources to help you support your loved one while connecting you with others who know what you’re going through.

Here are some things that our supporters found helpful for self-care when supporting someone:

• Yoga
• Dog walking
• Daily meditation
• Sleep
• Take 30 minutes a day to just do something you love, no compromises – just 30 minutes
• Take our other child out at the weekend to give them both a break and still spend quality time with siblings
• Seeing friends
• Getting out for walks
• Trying to take a step back sometimes
• Self-reflection at the end of the day
• Solo time away from home
• Confide in someone, even the really bad parts
• Make sure you understand your own boundaries! You can’t help others without looking after yourself
• Go for a swim

Why this matters for the person you’re supporting

When you look after your wellbeing, you model healthy coping, emotional boundaries, and resilience — all of which are vital in supporting someone with an eating disorder.

Taking care of yourself helps you stay grounded, patient, and present, and reduces the risk that guilt, fatigue, or frustration will affect the care you offer.

Ultimately, remember that you are not alone. There are services, peer networks, and resources available specifically for people in your position and accessing support for yourself is a vital part of helping someone else on their path to recovery.