Supporting someone with an eating disorder during celebrations

For people with eating disorders, celebrations like Christmas, birthday parties, weddings and other events can feel hard when there are lots of foods they don’t like, feel unable to eat, or struggle with. Family and friends might not understand why.

Sitting at a table full of smells and textures you may not be used to, or not having safe foods to eat, or feeling pressured to eat things they don’t normally eat can make these celebrations and events a particularly difficult time.

Make sure to have safe foods ready, let them bring or choose what feels okay. Don't force or bribe them to try new foods. Make the day fun and try not to focus on food.

Your loved one may feel nervous at parties or family dinners because food is a big part of the celebrations and events. They may feel embarrassed about eating differently or are worried they might hear comments about them being fussy or different.

These celebrations and events can feel more manageable for both you and your loved one when the day is less overwhelming or uncertain. You can help your loved one by checking in ahead of time to ask what would help them feel supported:

• “Is there anything that would make the day easier for you?”
• “Would you like me to check in during/after the event or meal?”
• “Is there anything you need from me?”

You can also help them by planning a schedule for the day. Think about:

• Discussing meal timings in advance
• Agreeing on signals or exit strategies if they feel overwhelmed
• Setting boundaries
• Keeping plans flexible
• Identifying potential triggers and how you can both prepare for them
• What may be helpful for them to do during the meal to support them, such as doodling as a distraction technique, using fidget toys, or staying at the table after eating to pull Christmas crackers and chat

You may want to also offer distractions like:

• Watching a favourite film or tv show
• Playing games
• Doing crafts or puzzles
• Going for a walk
• Calling friends or family members for a catch up
• Time for favourite hobbies, such as reading or gaming
• Planning in alone time if they find this recharging

Talking about it

Think about how it might be best to talk about plans and support. For example, if your loved one is autistic, make sure to be clear, literal, and avoid language that might feel blunt or confusing. Written communication can also be easier, such as planning things out on paper, or offering simple choices with only 2 or 3 options. Everyone is different and what feels helpful for one person may feel overwhelming for another. So, it’s important to ask, rather than assume.

- Avoid commenting on what they or others are eating, even in a positive way, as this could cause pressure or anxiety, and

It will probably be difficult for your loved one to talk about this, but compassion and patience can make a huge difference. You can read more on our tips on supporting someone with an eating disorder page.