Supporting a parent with an eating disorder

When a parent has an eating disorder, it can be a really difficult and confusing time for their children. Kids often look to their parents for guidance and emotional security, so it’s normal for them to feel anxious and unsure when their parent isn’t well – even if their parent is trying their very best to protect them.

You can find out more below.

How might this impact children?

Supporting a parent with an eating disorder can be very challenging. It can cause a range of complex emotions and impact children in different ways, since everyone’s experience of an eating disorder will be different. Here are some of the common impacts:

• When a parent has an eating disorder, there can be a disruption to the ‘normal’ parent/child relationship. The child may feel they need to ‘take care’ of their parent, which can lead to a role reversal where the child is assuming adult-like responsibility
• Children and adults can feel lonely or neglected because their parent isn’t able to take care of them in the same way as they were before they were ill, or they may not remember a time they weren’t unwell
• If the parent needs to go to hospital for inpatient treatment, this can be very tough for children. If they aren’t able to have as much contact with their parent, their child may miss them very much. The child will also have to cope with changes in routine such as staying with relatives. Adult children may have to navigate visiting their parent alongside other responsibilities
• Children and adults might experience anxiety and fear about their parent’s health and wonder if they’ll ever get better
• The child’s own relationship with food and their body may be affected

My parent has an eating disorder. What should I do?

While it’s normal to feel confused, sad or angry, it’s important to remember that eating disorders are complex mental illnesses. Your parent didn’t choose to be unwell, it’s not your fault and they still love you. Recovery is always possible, and we’ve put together some tips to help you deal with your feelings while your parent is getting better:

• Talk about how you’re feeling. Speaking with trusted friends and family members can help you deal with your feelings about your parent’s illness
• Ask questions. Your parent is still your parent, and they may be able to help you understand what the next steps are and how you can support them
• Remember you’re still allowed to have your own feelings, and it’s okay to take care of yourself even if your parent isn’t well. Try to do the things you normally do to make you happy, like your hobbies and spending time with friends

I’m a parent, what should I do?

It’s natural for parents with eating disorders to worry about the effect their illness might have on their children. Remember that your eating disorder isn’t your fault and that being unwell doesn’t make you a bad parent. While it’s incredibly important that you’re focusing on your recovery during this time, there are some things you can do to make things easier while you’re getting better:

• Communicate with them about your illness in an age-appropriate way. You don’t have to share every detail but understanding what’s going on may be helpful for them
• Seek support for you and your child. Working with a therapist or other medical professionals for yourself is a key part of recovery — you might find that your child also benefits from therapy, which can help them process their own emotions
• If you can, reach out to family and friends to help you through this journey. This might be for yourself, or to help you with supporting your children
• Be kind to yourself. This is a difficult process for both you and your family, and it’s important to recognise that you’re trying your best in a challenging circumstance. Your child will benefit from seeing you treat yourself with compassion, even if you’re not as recovered as you want to be yet