Support for people who have lost someone to an eating disorder

Losing a loved one to an eating disorder is a heartbreaking and traumatic experience. Grieving is never easy or linear, but we know that losing someone to an eating disorder can come with its own specific challenges and incredibly complicated feelings like anger, shame and confusion.

For some, the loss may have come after many years of caring for someone through their illness. For others, the eating disorder may have been hidden, and the death may feel sudden or difficult to grasp. Regardless, it is important to remember it's not your fault. Eating disorders are complex, life-threatening illnesses. Sometimes, the outcome is beyond anyone’s control, despite all efforts and love.

Bereavement is a personal journey, but it’s important to remember that you’re not alone.

The challenges of losing a loved one to an eating disorder

We know that due to the stigma and lack of understanding around eating disorders, it may be difficult to speak with others about your loss. They might unknowingly say misinformed or minimising things about your loved one’s illness or avoid talking about it entirely, which can lead to feelings of invalidation and isolation.

You may be experiencing many difficult emotions, such as:

• Guilt - wondering  if there was anything you could have done to prevent the loss.
• Anger - towards the healthcare system, the disorder, or even the person who died.
• Shame or confusion – Especially if other people have a lack of understanding of eating disorders
• Loneliness – Feeling alone if those around you do say hurtful things or avoid talking about it with you

While these feelings are normal, they are very painful to bear alone. Your feelings are valid, and you are deserving of support and compassion.

You are not alone

Grieving the loss of a loved one is a personal journey, but getting the right support is a vital step towards processing your loss

Ways to seek support

It may be helpful to talk to trusted friends and family, especially if they were also close to the person who’s passed away. Don’t hesitate to ask for help with day-to-day tasks if you need a break.

You can also approach a therapist, psychologist or an organisation which specialises in grief. Speaking to professionals can help validate your experiences and give you tools to help you cope . Some organisations offer bereavement groups and online communities, where other people understand the pain you are experiencing.

If you’re working or studying, it’s worth looking into what kind of support your employer, university or school can offer; for example, many provide free, confidential counselling. For those who practice a religion, support may be available through your place of worship.

You should speak to a GP if you’re worried about your mental or physical health.

Here are some suggestions you might like to try yourself:

• Create a memorial to honour your loved one, e.g. planting a tree, writing them a letter, talking about good memories with others.
• Journal – sometimes expressing your thoughts and feelings on paper can help ease those difficult emotions.
• Recognise potential triggers, e.g. ask for support on anniversaries or social situations that might remind you of your loved one.

It’s important to remember that dealing with loss takes time, and there’s no pressure for you to ‘feel better’ within a certain time frame. Losing someone is tough, but getting help that works for you can make a big difference.