Separating yourself from the eating disorder

Eating disorder voice

Recovery is not a straightforward journey, and you may face challenges along the way. One significant challenge is learning to distinguish yourself from the eating disorder and the intrusive thoughts it can bring. This is often referred to as the "eating disorder voice."

Some people find it helpful to think of this eating disorder voice as a "mind bully"—a voice that is manipulative and unkind. Others like to give their eating disorder voice a name. Many people feel as if they are their eating disorder, so recognising and separating your own voice from the eating disorder's voice in whatever way works for you can be very beneficial.

How can the voice present itself?

The eating disorder voice can be sneaky at disguising itself using a range of tactics and tones. The eating disorder voice may present as:

• Promising: Convincing the person to engage in an eating disorder behaviour by negotiating. For example, "If you engage in this behaviour, you can have XYZ."
• Persuasive: “If your body looks a certain way, people will like you more.”
• Fear: “You will gain weight if you do this”
• Self-Criticism: “If you do, everyone will judge you.”
• Translations: ‘“When they say you look healthy, they really mean “look how bad you look now.”’
• Denial: “I don’t have a problem; most people are way worse than me.”

How do I separate myself from the eating disorder?

To start, when you have a negative thought try taking a step back and think:

• Does this thought sound supportive?
• Is it a rational, or balanced, response?
• Is this something I would say to a loved one? If it isn’t, then think about what you would say to them in this instance

By questioning the thought in this way, you can begin to recognise and separate the eating disorder voice from your own. This practice can help you cultivate a more compassionate and balanced perspective.

Examples of unhelpful thinking patterns from the eating disorder

• Black and White Thinking: Seeing things in extremes without recognising the middle ground.
• Overgeneralisation: Is this thought an assumption or predicting the future without any evidence? For example, when it happens once, you assume it will occur again and again. Thinking patterns may include using the terms “always,” “never,” and “every.”
• Catastrophising: Is this thought jumping to a conclusion and thinking the worst possible outcome? For example, "If I make a mistake, everything will fall apart."
• Labelling or Mislabelling: Making sweeping statements about yourself or others based on a single event rather than facts. For instance, calling yourself "unintelligent" after a mistake instead of acknowledging, "I made a mistake."
• Emotional Reasoning: Misinterpreting reality based on your current emotions and using those feelings to define the situation. For example, "I feel nervous and fearful about going to treatment, so it must be true that it won't work for me."

Quietening the eating disorder voice

Once you become more aware and able to identify the eating disorder thoughts, this will help you to take the next step of challenging the eating disorder voice.

It is important to remember that regardless of what the eating disorder voice says, you don't have to listen to it. The eating disorder voice does not tell the truth, and you have the strength to challenge it. The more you stand up to it, the weaker it becomes. While it may not be easy to resist, it can be done. This is a story about the eating disorder voice that has been created by someone in recovery.

Reframe, Rethink, Retrain:

Reframing or rethinking is a cognitive-behavioural technique that challenges and changes dysfunctional beliefs and thoughts.

Here are some simple steps to begin with:

Challenge the limited thinking patterns by asking yourself:

• Does the thought have any basis in reality? Is it a fact?
• What is its purpose? Is it destructive or productive?

Now, consider other ways of thinking. Once you’ve determined your thought pattern is limited, you can create alternative approaches:

• Come up with at least 2-3 alternative thoughts.
• Pick one alternative thought and test it.
• Apply the thought that seems most productive.
• Practice replacing limited thoughts with new ones.

Finding your recovery voice

Reminding yourself of the reasons why you want to recover is important when you are attempting to challenge the eating disorder voice. Here are some simple exercises you could try to help you with this:

• Write down a pros/cons list for your eating disorder
• Write down any motivations or goals you have and compare them to what the eating disorder wants. Do they align?
• Write down the five most important things to you in life and compare these to what is most important to your eating disorder – is the eating disorder affecting what’s important to you?
• Write down 3-5 eating disorder thoughts and then write down a counter message for the eating disorder.
• Write down your motivations and reasons for recovery on paper/your phone and have this in front of you to remind you throughout the day, particularly at mealtimes.