Coping with eating in front of other people

Often, people with an eating disorder struggle with eating in front of others. This could be in public in front of strangers or with friends, family, work colleagues, peers at school for example. People with eating disorders may fear the following when eating in front of others:

• They won’t know what to eat
• They will feel out of control with choices
• They will be pressured to eat by others
• People will ask questions about their eating
• People will be judged for their eating behaviours

The fear of eating in front of others can have a huge impact on people and can severely restrict a person’s social life. Many people will feel uncomfortable or frightened, and often experience symptoms similar to a panic attack.

Examples of how anxiety presents around food:

• Avoiding food: skipping meals, pushing food around your plate or avoiding food all together.
• Overthinking food choices: unable to make a decision on food and portion size; feeling like you are making the ‘wrong’ decision.
• Post-meal anxiety: feeling guilt and regretting what you have eaten, causing a lot of distress and inability to focus on anything else.

Examples of why anxiety can increase in social situations:

• Being around other people can feel like you are being watched and judged, which can increase pressure and stress of eating in front of others.
• Anxiety can make you hyperaware of what others might think. You may fear that people are judging your choices, your body, your portion sizes or how you look while eating.
• Social settings can mean you aren’t in control of what you are eating due to someone else preparing the food and being on their schedule. This can trigger anxiety about what and when you will eat and you may feel out of control.

Coping strategies

Below are some suggested coping strategies that you may find useful to try. Remember, everyone is different, and it might take a few tries to figure out what works best for you.

Opening up to trusted friends, family, and loved ones: Sharing your struggles

• Sharing your struggles with people you know and trust can help reduce stress. For example, you can talk about the anxious thoughts or physical feelings these situations cause and explain that eating with others makes you uncomfortable.

Making a plan with loved ones on how they can support you

• For instance, creating a signal with a loved one that indicates you are struggling, so you can both step away and they can support you. Sharing your strategies to help reduce your anxiety so your loved one can encourage you to practice these when struggling.

Bring your own food

• You could prepare your own food/snacks prior and bring them with you. This could be as a back up if there isn’t anything you feel comfortable eating.

Focus on conversation as a way to distract yourself

• You could prepare questions to ask other people or think of topics you could discuss.

Think of the setting

• If possible, choose familiar restaurants or homes where you feel at ease, rather than trying new places that could cause additional stress.

Identify triggers

• Are there certain people or places you feel more comfortable eating? Are there certain types of foods that make you feel more stressed or uncomfortable?

Relaxation techniques

• Take deep breaths, engage with your senses; smell, touch, hear, sight. Download a meditation or mindfulness app on your device and bring your headphones so you can use this when eating in front of others or afterwards.

Distraction techniques

• Helps to shift your attention away from distressing thoughts or feelings. Write down a list of distractions on your phone or a piece of paper to remind you. There are more distraction techniques on our website.

Practice gratitude

• Think of five things you are grateful for e.g., a warm sunny day, a pet, or a kind word from a friend.

Positive affirmations

• These are short, positive statements or phrases to help challenge negative or unhelpful thoughts. Affirmations can be powerful, especially when the eating disorder’s voice is loud.

Keep in mind that it’s okay to struggle. You deserve to enjoy time with friends and loved ones no matter what that looks like.