What is it like?
How can you overcome it?
What help is there?
Do you even want to get better?
Where can I get this help?
Ever told someone you’re fine when you’re not? Yes, is the answer.
You say you’re fine, but you just want them to say I know you are and hug you until you feel better, willing that they will understand you, there are people there for you, you are not alone.
Well, here I am facing my problem. I didn’t know what was happening until I got told. The cold hard fact hitting you in the face, the moment when it becomes real. Needing to help yourself because you know it’s the right thing to do. But then when you overcome it, are you going to be you? Happier? Better?
What is better? I am obviously not happy with myself and getting help is the ‘best’ thing for me – but is it? I know I need to but I don’t want to face it.
Accepting the problem is a big thing. I avoided it, I hid it from everyone. Do you feel like it’s a secret for just you, it’s not that noticeable, it’s just who you are?
NO.
You are able to overcome it. Recovery is a seriously important thing – it’s difficult and it takes time but as time goes by it will improve. I know it doesn’t seem like it and it’s hard but you can do it. I know from experience that sometimes it feels silly that your problem is food. Well, it’s not just yours; it’s mine and many other people’s problem as well, and there is help.
I know it’s hard to even find people who understand you, but there are people suffering just like you. We are all at different stages, but you have to know that recovery is the best thing. Trust me.
It’s okay to be scared, unwilling and mostly frightened of the unknown. My main issue is control, the bad past, the thought of losing control or not having control, maybe being controlled even. But now you are free to be you. Don’t let the disorder control you now.
Look in the mirror. There you are, that powerful person.
You’re going to be fine. The food will not affect you as the person you are. You’re beautiful, amazing and this will not be your struggle forever. I believe in you, I know that it will happen for you, and you’ll always remember the struggle, but you will be stronger than ever before and you’ll be able to live. Properly.
The monster is in your head, not under the bed like we were taught as children. The worse type of monster is yourself. The battle is halfway won if you defeat the monster in your head. You have the ability. It’s all you. Be in control. Don’t let it win. It is hard but you’re a strong, independent person who deserves better than what you are being given, and this is your chance to become the person you’re meant to be. You think that you deserve the pain? The hunger? The way you look at yourself? The negative perception? Loneliness? You don’t at all.
We need to love ourselves. All the education in the world – why didn’t we learn this? This is as important as scholarly subjects. Love yourself. Think of the positives about you as a person; display them around yourself. Look at them when you don’t feel good.
List them…
Personality
Appearance
Social qualities
What you love about yourself
Favourite feature
Three points for each will help, just to show yourself that you are worth more than the way you’re treating yourself.
Healing is worth it, I promise you, it’s worth the time it takes.
You’ll get through this.