Pat's story - anorexia, autism and recovery

I was diagnosed with anorexia and bulimia in 2018.

I had struggled with my weight for many years. I first remember it when I was at university in the mid 2000s. Like many, I struggled with adapting to university life and expectations I put on myself and I fell into unhealthy practices to try and cope. At the time I remember people speaking to me about my appearance but I dismissed it. Looking back now I can see that this is where it started.

After graduation things stabilised but I was really just holding on. Over the next few years, things started to go off the rails. I put a lot of pressure on myself to be a good husband, teacher, son, brother, uncle and I fell easily into all the old unhealthy habits.

If I was “managing” the condition at first, by 2018 the dam was breaking.

My wife was away for the weekend and I completely broke down. It felt like I was completely at the control of the condition. I spoke to my wife and for the first time went to see my GP. I was concerned that I wouldn’t be believed. I wrote a list of everything I was feeling and experiencing and my wife came with me. I needn’t have worried, the GP was great. He was very supportive and put me forward to local mental health services and from there to specific services at Florence St in Glasgow.

At the same time I spoke with my family. They were very supportive but understandably concerned. I also had to speak with my boss, who was also great, as the GP had signed me off work for an initial 2 week period.

Two weeks turned into six months, in which time I attended a lot of appointments and support groups. At that point though nothing seemed to be working and I continued to feel trapped by the condition until I ended up being admitted to a psychiatric ward of Leverndale Hospital.

I spent two weeks on the ward following a program designed to help me try and break the pattern. I really struggled and for the two weeks I did not leave my room unless required to for meal times or for visiting. At the earliest opportunity I checked myself out, claiming I was better and could see a way forward. This was a lie. The truth is I was scared. Scared that I had thrown everything away, pushed everyone away and that I had no real place anymore and I would forever be that person who was not in control. Getting out of the hospital meant I could go back to how I was and pretending that things were getting better.

In October of 2019, after a year out, I went back to work on a part-time basis. I wasn’t ready and in January, I was signed off again and was at my lowest point both personally and medically. In March I was sent to Stobhill Hospital and was told to expect a stay in months.

I arrived in hospital the day the first COVID lockdown was announced. On my first day I was told that visiting was suspended. I was now facing up to an extended period without seeing family or friends. I hid myself away again, rarely leaving my room and looking forward to the one day a-week I could see my wife from a distance.

By day 23 it was obvious that COVID was at the forefront of everyone’s mind. Our temperatures were taken regularly and enhanced safety protocols from staff were apparent. I don’t know what changed but that day I was sent home for safety reasons.

Before leaving hospital, my psychiatrist suggested I might be autistic and that I would be referred to Adult Autistic Services. I had a remote appointment in June 2020 and after a 2 hour personal interview, and other interviews with my family, I was diagnosed with Asperger’s Syndrome.

After this diagnosis things changed quite dramatically. I was able to answer some of the questions I had been asking myself and I found it easier to communicate. I started making progress, slowly at first but eventually things started improving and I was signed off from mental health services.

I went back to work, again on a part time basis, but this was a mistake and I regressed. Something had to change and at the end of the school year in August 2021, I submitted my resignation. The months that followed were difficult, I dealt with a lot of shame as I felt I let a lot of people down.

The months that followed were difficult, I dealt with a lot of shame as I felt I let a lot of people down. After a while I started working in a charity shop near my home two mornings a week. Over the next few years my life changed massively. I started to recover and began to repair some of the relationships that I damaged and neglected. In 2022 we found out my wife was pregnant and that gave me a completely new purpose and lease of life.

It’s now 2026 and my daughter is great and turning 3 this year. I am now a stay at home dad and it is without a doubt the best job I have ever had. My relationships with my wife and family I believe have been strengthened. Anorexia took a lot from me but it finally feels like I’m taking things back. I have wanted to write this for a while but wanted to give myself time to properly recover and get to a place where I could talk honestly and openly about my experiences.

Things were never going to improve until I took the step to start talking with people honestly about how I was feeling. There always was people around me willing to help. I just needed to be the one who started the conversation. I only wish I had done it years ago.