Supporting a sibling with an eating disorder

Eating disorders can have a huge effect on all family members, particularly siblings. Coming to terms with the fact a loved one is unwell is incredibly challenging, and it’s common to feel anxious, sad or frightened for them.

When a sibling becomes unwell with an eating disorder, it can result in sudden changes to life at home and family relationships. As a result, siblings might experience a range of difficult thoughts and feelings which may include grief, hopelessness, stress, anger and isolation.

How can this impact siblings?

• Siblings may receive less attention from their parents due to their carer responsibilities. For example, parents or guardians may be physically absent from the home because they’re attending appointments.
• Parents often feel worried, stressed, and irritable, and these emotions can affect their relationships with their other children – even if they don’t mean them to.
• Preparing food might become tense or explosive, which means siblings are more likely to worry or avoid family meals.
• Siblings might feel embarrassed to have friends over to the house due to the stigma around eating disorders, so they can feel isolated.
• Changes in eating habits at home can affect the sibling’s own behaviours and relationship with food or exercise.

What should I do if I have a sibling with an eating disorder?

Watching a loved one struggle with an eating disorder can be really tough, and it might be difficult to know what to do. Try to remember that while supporting your sibling is very important, you also need to look after yourself during this time. You can find some tips below.

• Accept that your sibling’s illness is not your fault. Eating disorders are serious mental illnesses, and they can happen to anyone.
• Learn about the type of eating disorder your sibling has, particularly the behavioural changes that they might experience. Knowing the facts will help you understand how your sibling is feeling, and what the coming weeks and months may look like.
• Remember that your sibling still cares. Being unwell can cause stress and confusion - even though they might not say or show it, they have not stopped caring about you.
• If your sibling is grumpy, moody, angry or hurtful towards you, recognise that illness can override rational thoughts and change your sibling’s behaviour.
• Talk to your friends, parents, and relatives about your feelings and your fears. You might find it useful to attend support groups for relatives of people with an eating disorder.
• Respect that it may be difficult for your sibling to talk about what they’re going through and let them know that you’d be happy to listen when they feel ready.
• Try to keep doing the normal activities that you shared with your sibling before they became ill if it’s safe to do so.
• Enjoy time away from the home environment, to recharge and do ‘normal’ activities. It’s important to try and not to let your sibling’s illness dominate your thoughts for a few hours. As hard as this is, reassure yourself that your sibling will be OK while you’re spending some time to yourself and that it’s OK to do this.
• Seek additional help – this could look like going to therapy or speaking to your GP if you feel like your mental health is being affected. This is a very difficult time for everyone in your family, and you need to make sure you’re looking after yourself too.