From the age of 14 I developed consciousness and insecurities about the way I looked. I was surrounded by a family who were influenced by ‘Slimming World’ and other dietary groups, which reflected on the way I perceived not only myself, but food as well. It wasn’t until I wasn’t until I was 15 that I let my mind and thoughts take over my life, influenced by being a victim of bullying in high school. I wanted control; I wanted the perfect body; I wanted to be ‘normal’. I let my thoughts try and destroy my future, my potential. But the people around me knew I deserved more than that and deep down I did too.
I reached crisis point at the age of 16 and my parents sought professional help/advice from my GP on the next steps to take, I was referred to my local psychiatric unit (which was a very long process but worth every minute) where I received help from a psychiatrist, CEDS nurse and a dietitian. I had lost weight over the six-week school holiday and was ruining all my relationships around me. I missed out on so much valuable time with my family during those six weeks, as my mother had six weeks off work at the time, but all I wanted to do was excessively exercise, weigh myself and torture myself.
I tried so hard in my GCSEs. I missed a lot of schooling during the last crucial months of my education. I turned into a perfectionist, and when I found out my grades after sitting my 18 exam papers, they weren't good enough, I was a ‘failure’, I wasn’t going to be able to get into sixth form because my mind told me I didn’t have potential and I believed it.
I again reached crisis point a couple of days before school prom (which I was adamant I wasn’t going to) and failed a suicide attempt. My family were distraught and from this point onwards I wanted to accept help. I wanted a turning point; I didn't want my life to revolve around my unhealthy obsession anymore – I chose a future.
Many people need something drastic to happen in order for them to turn their life around, but don’t wait for that potentially fatal occurrence to happen. Recovery is a long process; it’s difficult, but my God, it’s worth it. Seek help now and change your life for the better! To live your life without eating disorder voices is the best kind of freedom I have ever felt, and I now realise life IS worth living. I had more than enough GCSE grades to get into sixth form – my mind lied to me. My family were over the moon with my grades considering the circumstance I was in, and that's all I needed. I know I tried my hardest and there’s nothing more I could have done.
I am now studying Medical Science and Law at College and I am happier than I have ever been. I’m finally back to my old self, if not better than the old happy me, and I can proudly say I have marked a one-year anniversary of being discharged from the MH services. I’m so glad I chose recovery, and I hope each and every one of you suffering does too. You are strong, stronger than your mind.
R ealize you’re worth recovery.E xperience true happiness.C are about yourself.O vercome your demons.V alidate your worth.E at without the regret.R elapse – it might happen but it’s OKAY to.Y earning to live.
Stay safe and healthy. Choose recovery.
I’ve worked tirelessly in day care, private therapy and on my own to get as “recovered” as I can possibly be. I wasn’t content with surviving with an eating disorder. To me the mental torture and confines are the worst part, so a healthy body without a quality of life was not enough.
When I was about 13, I stopped eating for a bit, just to see how it felt, what it would do. Prior to this, I don't think I had been even vaguely concerned about my weight and, to be honest, I don't know what it was that triggered it.
After looking back on the years of my life that were taken due to my eating disorder, I realise how much I now love my life and want to keep recovering every day.